Tips From A Workshop Junkie
By Vicki Fox

HOW DO I LOVE THEE, LET ME COUNT THE WAYS

My name is Vicki Fox, and I am a self-confessed workshop junkie.  I have long been a seeker, curious about myself and life.  To me, learning has been a life-long pursuit and a great joy.

Attending workshops is an important tool in my journey of self-discovery.  More often than not, I have come away with at least one jewel from each class to add to my treasure chest of life’s learning.

Several years ago at the Omega Institute of Holistic Studies, I eavesdropped on a man in a couple’s course.  He could not understand  his wife being upset when he vacuumed, washed and waxed her car and called it her “birthday present.” 

Four summers ago, Thom Hartmann in another Omega workshop helped me to understand what was going on.  He explained to show others we love them, we often make the mistake of thinking we should do for them what we would like them to do for us. 

He went on to suggest a much better idea for connecting with others we love and transforming our relationships with them.  It is to ask them  what it is that makes them feel most loved.  He said it had worked for him and invited us to try it when we got home.

Feeling up to the challenge within minutes of arriving home, I ran into my then 20-year-old son and asked him what it is that makes him feel loved.   He looked at me with that look of “Oh no, here we go again. Mom is back from another workshop so watch out.”  I was frustrated, but I wasn’t going to give up yet.

I next ran into my then 17-year-old daughter, an accomplished athlete.
My idea of how to show my love included attending every one of her three varsity sport games whether I felt like it or not.  My parents rarely attended my events so it seemed very important to me that I be in attendance at hers.   The infrequent times I had to miss a game and apologized for my absence, she had always voiced that it was not a problem.

Here was a perfect opportunity to discover what made her feel loved.  Unlike her brother, she piped right up with an answer.  That summer, she was working as a waitress.  She felt loved when I would eat at the restaurant where she was working.   Upon learning that, I made it a point to eat there frequently.

Over the year, I forgot about our exchange.  The following summer, I attended another Thom Hartmann workshop at Omega.  Thom talked again about how important it is to find out what makes our loved ones feel loved and how dramatic the results can be.

Once again, my daughter’s summer employment was waitressing.   Upon arriving home from that workshop and realizing I was missing her, I jumped back in my car and headed over to where she was working.

As I pulled into the parking lot, she and a waitress friend were outside.  As I approached them, she lit up.  Her friend said, “What a coincidence, I was just going to phone my Mom too and ask her if she wanted to come eat here tonight.”   My daughter said, “I didn’t phone my Mom.”  She looked at me knowingly and added, “She came because she loves me.” 

What could be easier than asking someone you love what makes him or her feel loved?  Try it.  You might be surprised at how happy it makes them.   It will do your heart some good, too.